tips for working with introverted consultants
For those who do not know me personally, I am an introvert. I am also a consultant and have been successfully so for over 20 years. The first draft of this post was titled “Reflections on Being an Introverted Consultant” which is quite possibly the most introverted title on introversion possible—'reflecting’ is something us introverts do very well. However, in true introvert fashion, I’ve learned from my extroverted business partner and friend that eye-catching content should be active and relevant to my target audience—and nothing gets that done quite so well as “top tips.” It is in that delightful context that I bring you my top tips for working with an introverted consultant.
1. Efficient Words: We get to the point. We do not like to waste our energy or our breath with pretty, yet useless words. We do not like inane business jargon. We do not want to be the loudest and most frequently speaking person in the room; we want our limited input to be meaningful and impactful. We sit quietly, actively listening to the dance of wasteful words until the point of the conversation or the solution to the issue clicks into place in our minds—and then we attempt to concisely articulate the inarticulate discussion. That’s the goal anyway. To speak less, but more impactfully. We also do not like small talk.
2. Prep Time: We often need to rev up our engines to full potential before speaking with you. That means we need to schedule our calls with you, and for me, scheduling a full day ahead of time--at least. Please. While we are adept at quickly assessing situations and conversations, we are often not great when put on the spot. We need time to prepare our thoughts and our words (see #1). So, don’t call us unless it’s an emergency. It’s not you, I promise. We’re like this with everyone. Additionally, don’t make us call anyone if we can send an e-mail or text. The upside? Paper trail.
3. Down Time: We appreciate you inviting us to dinner or to lunch or to drinks, but we may not want to go—and it’s not you. I promise. It’s us. This is especially true after a long day of leading meetings or discussions, and especially ESPECIALLY true if the day involved meeting new people and/or traveling. We care about you and building comradery. We love people--really! We just often don’t have the energy to continue ‘being on’ after ‘being on all day.’ This one has proven to be truly flummoxing to my extroverted colleagues who build energy and refresh by being around people in a social setting.
4. Come to Us: We are really good at one-on-one interactions because we are natural empaths, but we are TERRIBLE at making the first move, so to speak. We will usually choose a seat away from everyone else or next to someone we already know, but only because we don’t know how to join a group of strangers. For some of us, groups are the most intimidating and scary things on the planet. Conferences? Yeow. The worst time of year for many of us. Yet we want to fit in, we want to meet you, we want to get to know you, and most importantly, we want deep conversations! Please invite us in, or better yet, come to us and introduce yourself and your friends or colleagues. The bonus? Most of us are incredibly witty and interesting, but like in #1, we’re not going to be the ones to bring that up. We are terrible at self-promotion.
5. We are Terrible at Self-Promotion: We can talk about our subject of expertise for hours on end to the gnat’s ass detail with emphatic passion and flourish. But ‘tell me about yourself’ is Stephen King fodder—a nightmare. You see, we self-reflect constantly and are always the most critical of ourselves, always looking for ways to improve. I recently read that introverts are the people who most often suffer from imposter syndrome. Even now, I’m questioning my ability to write this piece without having first finished the book ‘Quiet’ nor having interviewed other introverts. You see, we don’t like to be the center of attention--and we don’t like small talk, but if prepared (#2), well-rested (#3), and invited (#4), we can give one heck of a presentation.
These tips are useful for any relationship with introverts. Just ask my husband. Like snowflakes and fingerprints, we’re all unique and some of these things are more, or less, applicable to each of us. The important thing is to recognize that everyone works differently and not all successful and insightful individuals are the loudest or most charismatic in the room. Finally, let’s start normalizing introvert / extrovert labels on emails, social media, conference badges, etc. alongside preferred pronouns! Then, we’ll know how to better communicate with each other, building more trust and stronger foundations for problem-solving and on-going mutual success.
What did I miss? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
